This. This is one of those days that for some reason, my mind is filled with things I shouldn't be thinking about. Not at this time of my life. Not now. Not ever. And what do I do when I'm having an internal turmoil? I blog. So some end up being more personal than what I'm willing to share but what the heck, I plan to write an autobiography anyway.
The other night, I saw this post in one of my favorite Facebook pages. It shows 3 doors: Lovelife, 50 Million (in dollars I suppose), and Time Machine. And it just opened up a can of worms, so to speak. I wasn't able to sleep thinking "what if there is a time machine, a chance for me to go back at a certain time in my life and redo everything? And I have all the memories of this life!" The past 3 decades just flashed back. Like a 4D movie, I can smell and feel everything as if it is happening right at this moment.
I'd like to go back and relive the summer before Junior High. For some reason, it was the summer that changed everything. Don't get me wrong. It was one of the best times of my life. The friendships I had, the "growing up" stuff we read in books or watched in movies. I remember everything, the feeling of happiness then, even the cool wind in my hair while walking home from my friends' house. Cath, Lors, and I play tennis every morning, go back to whoever's turn it is to serve breakfast and go malling/run errands for the day. Sometimes, we'll play volleyball in the afternoon too. Oh, and we usually wear matching clothes. Kids! But inspite of that, I'd like to change a lot of it. The succeeding months changed me in a way I don't comprehend.
The nostalgia and the "what ifs" was consuming me and I can't be driving when my mind is in the 90's. And I was beating myself up for wanting so badly to change things...to go back. I keep reminding myself my personal motto, one I've decided on my 26th birthday: "Don't look back. Look forward." I can't change the past. I know that. But what if I could? Don't try to tell me all these s*** about how you always end up where you're supposed to. Or that it made you who you are now kind of stuff. I already know that. But still, what if I could? It's not that I don't appreciate what I have. Or that I am ungrateful for all the blessings that came my way. This is something else. A hope, maybe? A wish?
This is the reason why I want to believe in alternate realities, in multiple universe. I want to meet the Me that has taken a different path. One who made a different choice. I want to ask her if her life is full and happy. (Wait, this is supposed to be a whole other post.)
Time Machine. The possibility to correct our mistakes. The possibility of a different present. The possibility of a different future. A different me and you.
I shouldn't let my mind wander like this. There is no use pondering on things we can no longer alter. Let the past stay in the past. And my God! Forgive! Your past doesn't define you.
Don't look back. Look forward.
The other night, I saw this post in one of my favorite Facebook pages. It shows 3 doors: Lovelife, 50 Million (in dollars I suppose), and Time Machine. And it just opened up a can of worms, so to speak. I wasn't able to sleep thinking "what if there is a time machine, a chance for me to go back at a certain time in my life and redo everything? And I have all the memories of this life!" The past 3 decades just flashed back. Like a 4D movie, I can smell and feel everything as if it is happening right at this moment.
I'd like to go back and relive the summer before Junior High. For some reason, it was the summer that changed everything. Don't get me wrong. It was one of the best times of my life. The friendships I had, the "growing up" stuff we read in books or watched in movies. I remember everything, the feeling of happiness then, even the cool wind in my hair while walking home from my friends' house. Cath, Lors, and I play tennis every morning, go back to whoever's turn it is to serve breakfast and go malling/run errands for the day. Sometimes, we'll play volleyball in the afternoon too. Oh, and we usually wear matching clothes. Kids! But inspite of that, I'd like to change a lot of it. The succeeding months changed me in a way I don't comprehend.
The nostalgia and the "what ifs" was consuming me and I can't be driving when my mind is in the 90's. And I was beating myself up for wanting so badly to change things...to go back. I keep reminding myself my personal motto, one I've decided on my 26th birthday: "Don't look back. Look forward." I can't change the past. I know that. But what if I could? Don't try to tell me all these s*** about how you always end up where you're supposed to. Or that it made you who you are now kind of stuff. I already know that. But still, what if I could? It's not that I don't appreciate what I have. Or that I am ungrateful for all the blessings that came my way. This is something else. A hope, maybe? A wish?
This is the reason why I want to believe in alternate realities, in multiple universe. I want to meet the Me that has taken a different path. One who made a different choice. I want to ask her if her life is full and happy. (Wait, this is supposed to be a whole other post.)
Time Machine. The possibility to correct our mistakes. The possibility of a different present. The possibility of a different future. A different me and you.
I shouldn't let my mind wander like this. There is no use pondering on things we can no longer alter. Let the past stay in the past. And my God! Forgive! Your past doesn't define you.
Don't look back. Look forward.
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