2nd Month.
The 2nd month of being a mother. 2nd month without work. 2nd month of hard work. When you have nothing left to do, what do you do?
For the past few weeks, it was becoming more and more apparent that I will not be able to work in the next 2yrs, maybe more. This made me feel depressed, unworthy, and useless. I wanted to help my hubby with the bills. I was a for a long time, a bit independent. I always have some extra cash somewhere and if I don't, I can always borrow from my sisters and know that I can pay them ASAP. I am not used to being dependent. With my hubby for my son's needs, with Nawal for medicines and toiletries, with Naira and my mom for anything else that I need. It is common knowledge that life is hard, at least financially especially in a country like ours. I am not totally without any money coming in. I have a certificate and a license that is being used by some companies and in turn, they pay me an "honorarium" fee whether I show up there for work or not. Yes I know I should be thankful, it is way better than most Filipinos can say for themselves. It is not much though because I also have bills to pay and I don't want hubby to shoulder those too.
I tried looking for work online. There are many out there. Typing jobs pay less than if I just make and sell ice candies. And those that pay pretty decently are "article rewriting" which I don't have any idea of and some research writing, and blogging. I haven't had any practice writing for the last 4 years and I was afraid I might permanently ruin my chances if I send a bad article.
In one of those pitiful days that I did nothing but mope and sulk about my present predicament, a sudden realization came to me. My greatest dream was to spend my life writing. You know, the kind where you don't have to have a day job and not the kind where it is also called a "job". The kind that you don't have anything to do but stay in the house and write as you please. But like I've pointed out, there are financial needs you take care of everyday. So of course, writing full time as a hobby is a big NO-NO. Though I kept praying for it all my life, there never seem to be any way it is possible unless I win the lottery. Only then can I say that my prayer and dream came true. But God has a funny way of answering prayers. I had come to the conclusion that this is God's way of telling me "Go on. Do what you've always wanted. I'm giving you the next 2 years, after that you can figure out what to do with the rest of your time". I am one of those lucky ones that has a supportive family and a good husband with a good job. My husband, my sisters, and my mom insisted that I should rest and not to be bothered by my basic needs. They can all provide somehow. So now, here I am back to the keyboards. As practice makes perfect, I promise I will write at least twice a week. Though I think the majority of what I will write will be on my other blog but hey, it is practice nonetheless.
The 2nd month of being a mother. 2nd month without work. 2nd month of hard work. When you have nothing left to do, what do you do?
For the past few weeks, it was becoming more and more apparent that I will not be able to work in the next 2yrs, maybe more. This made me feel depressed, unworthy, and useless. I wanted to help my hubby with the bills. I was a for a long time, a bit independent. I always have some extra cash somewhere and if I don't, I can always borrow from my sisters and know that I can pay them ASAP. I am not used to being dependent. With my hubby for my son's needs, with Nawal for medicines and toiletries, with Naira and my mom for anything else that I need. It is common knowledge that life is hard, at least financially especially in a country like ours. I am not totally without any money coming in. I have a certificate and a license that is being used by some companies and in turn, they pay me an "honorarium" fee whether I show up there for work or not. Yes I know I should be thankful, it is way better than most Filipinos can say for themselves. It is not much though because I also have bills to pay and I don't want hubby to shoulder those too.
I tried looking for work online. There are many out there. Typing jobs pay less than if I just make and sell ice candies. And those that pay pretty decently are "article rewriting" which I don't have any idea of and some research writing, and blogging. I haven't had any practice writing for the last 4 years and I was afraid I might permanently ruin my chances if I send a bad article.
In one of those pitiful days that I did nothing but mope and sulk about my present predicament, a sudden realization came to me. My greatest dream was to spend my life writing. You know, the kind where you don't have to have a day job and not the kind where it is also called a "job". The kind that you don't have anything to do but stay in the house and write as you please. But like I've pointed out, there are financial needs you take care of everyday. So of course, writing full time as a hobby is a big NO-NO. Though I kept praying for it all my life, there never seem to be any way it is possible unless I win the lottery. Only then can I say that my prayer and dream came true. But God has a funny way of answering prayers. I had come to the conclusion that this is God's way of telling me "Go on. Do what you've always wanted. I'm giving you the next 2 years, after that you can figure out what to do with the rest of your time". I am one of those lucky ones that has a supportive family and a good husband with a good job. My husband, my sisters, and my mom insisted that I should rest and not to be bothered by my basic needs. They can all provide somehow. So now, here I am back to the keyboards. As practice makes perfect, I promise I will write at least twice a week. Though I think the majority of what I will write will be on my other blog but hey, it is practice nonetheless.
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